{Kanagawa University - inside one of the dorms}

Rukawa slowly raised his head again from the smooth chest he is sleeping on. After they've spent the remaining of their energy pleasuring each other, his brown-eyed boyfriend just gathered him in his arms and went to sleep in an instant. [I guess he was really drained.] But for him, sleep just wouldn't come. Whenever he feels like dozing off, his mind would jerk him awake and he would raise his head to look for the familiar face of his beloved. He still can't believe that he's there with him, being embraced by him.

Last night, when he saw his redhead kiss their captain, he thought his heart would burst from the pain. He still shudder remembering it, the thought of loosing Hana to him, because of his betrayal, would be unbearable. Seeing his beloved slowly and calmly walking towards him, he waited... his insides were trembling from anxiety. Then Hana kissed him, so sweet and full of love...hope blossomed in his heart. He felt like he had died and gone to heaven...he was happy, plain and simple. That was a nice feeling and Rukawa had never felt this peaceful and contented ever in his life. Sighing, he laid back his cheek on that smooth chest just over the sleeping boy's beating heart - which he knows is beating only for him - and wrapped his arms around his waist tightly, and wondered if they could stay like that forever.

[No. Unfortunately we have to get up and there is still that matter to discuss. I have to be honest with him. Tell him everything and explain my actions.] Glancing at the clock, [4:00 a.m. He'll be waking up soon.] "Mmm.... But it feels so good being here." He softly purred. Then he unconsciously turned his head to nuzzle the smoothness cushioning him with his face. Eyes closed, he felt his nose touched a budding nipple, inching his lips slightly upwards, he licked the tempting bud and sucked gently. He felt the arm around him moved, and then he heard a soft moan escaping his lover's lips. Satisfied with the response, he moved his hand to tease the other nipple.

Eyes still closed and barely awake, the redhead mumbled, "Kitsune what are you doing?"

Not stopping from his teasing, he just said, "Loving you. Why, don't you like it?" He asked teasingly.

Sakuragi smiled at that question. "Hentai, kitsune. Of course I like it." As if to prove his point, he slowly snaked his hand down the kitsune's body - unnoticed by the teasing raven head - while his right hand was busy rubbing the stretched arm that is teasing his right nipple. When his left hand found the smooth side of Rukawa's hip, he started to nudge it towards him and when it got a little bit closer to his left leg, he made his right hand travel to the opposite side of his hip. In position, he then lifted his lover's lower body and unceremoniously drops him on top of his now aroused state. Satisfied with having his lover fully lying on top of him, he then moved his hands up to raise his lover's face and said, "I hope you intend to finish what you started Kaede." Brown eyes twinkled teasingly over the heated azure blue of his lover's.

Rukawa is just drowning from that look, never had he seen this sensual and provocative side of Hana before. Last night, his lover showed him pleasures which had him coming almost at once, yet the redhead knew how to hold him back...to be teased again so that his release would be ten times that of the former. He had wanted himself to be taken by Hana more than he had taken him, wanted to feel him inside, wanted to feel his warmness, but most of all he wanted to feel his realness inside of him. But this morning, he wants it to be his turn... his turn to make love to his boyfriend. [But we still have to talk.] His mind questioned. [Yes, but that can wait till later...for now I just want to love him.] "Don't worry Hana, I intend to show you the pleasures of being loved by me." He said and started showing him what he meant.

***********

"That was some wake up call kitsune. Would you be doing that every morning?" Sakuragi said still trying to regulate his breathing after their heated lovemaking. Turning to face his still panting lover beside him, he watched, fascinated by the warm glow on the blue-eyed boy's face. "You ok kitsune? Guess I was too much for you huh?" He joked while teasingly poking his side, tickling him.

Catching that poking hand, he turned and smiled at his lover, "I never knew you were that insatiable Hana-kun, and you said I was the hentai."

Blushing really hard, he slowly moved to cuddle closer to his boyfriend, "I couldn't help myself."

Wrapping his arms around him, "Hana, can we talk?"

"You wanna talk? That's a first."

"Last night, I thought I had lost you just because I kept my mouth shut. But this time, I won't. I need to tell you something Hana and I want you to hear it from me, not from anybody else. I just hope that you'll find it in your heart to understand me." He said seriously, his arms tightening around the redhead with each word.

Sakuragi had never heard his boyfriend talk this way before. So open, so vulnerable. "Don't worry, you won't loose me again. We'll work things out. You've hurt me yes, and time may come that you'll hurt me again, but the thought of not being with you will hurt me even more. So last night, I made my decision that whatever happens now, I want to face it with you. Together, I believe we can surpass anything. Unless you have another Sendoh hidden somewhere which I don't know about." He tried joking but suddenly he felt Kaede unwrapping his arms around him and made a move to stand up. Panicking, "Where are you going?"

"I have to get something." He said moving towards his bedroom. Seconds later he returned but Hana was shocked to see the kitsune fully clothed. "Can you put something on Hana? I want to talk to you fully clothed, seeing you naked will just distract me." Still surprised, he got up from the bed and slipped on a clean shirt and pants. "Now what?"

"Now we talk." Rukawa moved to sit across him from the bed and held out a box to him.

"What's that?"

"I want you to open it. It's my last secret." He just said calmly. Placing the box in front of the unmoving redhead.

Just hearing the word `secret' made him apprehensive from opening it. But looking at the seriousness in those blue eyes told him that this is something important to his boyfriend. Taking a deep breath, he picked up the box and opened it. Inside, there are photos, newspaper clippings and more photos. He is really confused, [what would he want me to see in these?] But suddenly something caught his eye, a locket. Picking it up, he held it in front of him. [There's a picture in front.] Looking hard, [it's a picture of a boy, a smiling boy.]

"Who...?"

"Just look closely Hana."

Complying, he examined the locket again and looked at the picture. There's something familiar about that boy, then suddenly..."kitsune, this is you?" He said looking at the other.

"Yes, that's me...I was 9 years old or so. Keep looking."

Still perplexed, he continued examining the contents of the box. First the locket, [ok so the picture outside is the kitsune...a smiling 9 year old kitsune. He looked kinna cute. Not that he looked less cute right now.] He blushed.

Rukawa noticed that blush and wondered what could make him blush just by looking at his 9-year-old picture? Not saying anything, he just continued to watch him, examining everything with that look of concentration. Standing up he went to Hana's study table and turned on the radio, finding the station he wants, he return to sit across the redhead.

Sakuragi vaguely heard the soft music filling his room; his mind is focused on examining the things in front of him. The locket, upon close inspection, can be opened in the middle revealing a lone picture. A picture of a beautiful woman with hair the color of the night and eyes, [those eyes are the same as the kitsune's!] Then...[this is his mother. But she died when he was still young.] Getting more confused and curious, he returned the locket inside the box and went to inspect the other items. There are more pictures of the kitsune when he was small and a newspaper clipping. [Now why would kitsune keep a newspaper clipping?] Frowning, he read the article and his breath caught in his throat. [This is kitsune ...why ...what?] He read...

< 10-year old Kaede Rukawa is found guilty as charged for the murder of his father, Shinji Rukawa. Officials who had handled the case said, that the boy was found holding the gun that killed his father and when questioned... admitted for committing the said crime. His relatives and neighbors were adamant in their defense of the boy, saying that he could not do such a heinous act. But all these did not aid the boy during his trial. During his day in court, 10-year old Kaede Rukawa relayed the events that led to his father's demise with calm and cold detachment, as if he is just retelling a story he saw in a movie. There was no remorse nor contrite for his actions in his voice. If possible there was even satisfaction in them. After his testimony, the jury was left in no doubt of the boy's intentions, thus they gave a guilty verdict, locking the boy to his fate. Being under aged, he will be placed under the custody of the state's prison for juvenile delinquents. He will serve 1 year of community service and will continue his education under the guidance of the prison's qualified tutors. >

Sakuragi had re-read the clipping over and over again thinking that he had mistaken reading his boyfriend's name. [Prison... Kaede killed his father? But why?] Then he checked the other pictures. There was one of him, a slightly older one, in a uniform, which undoubtedly was the prison's emblem. His heart ached for his lover. Looking up, he found blue eyes staring intently at him, waiting for his reaction, his mouth quivering from uncontrolled emotion, and his fingers laced tightly together. Looking at the box before him, he couldn't help thinking, how hard it must have been for Rukawa to show these to him. Yet he did. [His last secret. He thought I would leave him because of this? I don't believe kitsune will just kill his father in cold blood. No, it's not just him. Rukawa is many things but not a killer. But what if it's true?] He sighed. [But this is his past, and I think he had suffered enough.] With that in mind, he laid the box aside and crawled to where his lover is sitting. When he's within inches apart from him, Sakuragi wound his arms around his boyfriend's waist and buried his face on Rukawa's chest. "I love you Kaede. Thank you for showing them to me."

Rukawa felt as if a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. He looped his arms around Sakuragi's shoulders and buried his face on his neck. He had been so afraid, so afraid to see the disgust in his lover's brown eyes. He was afraid that if he knew of his dark past that he would leave him and never come back. "Hana-kun..."

Pulling away, he softly took his lover's face and kissed the welling wetness gathering in those blue-crystalline eyes. "Hush Kaede. It's ok. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He said in between kisses.

But Kaede took his hands away from his face and turned him around so that Sakuragi was lying with his back on his chest, and his fingers entwined and clasped in front of his redhead boyfriend. "No I want to be honest with you. No more secrets. After today I want everything be laid out in the open. I want to explain everything to you. Why I am what I am. Why I have become the cold and detached Rukawa that people knew and got accustomed to." Hearing nothing from his beloved, he took a deep breath and started...

"That locket was given by my mom. She died when I was about 10. My father killed her. That bastard killed her." His voice is full of anger. Suddenly, he felt the redhead unclasp his fingers and then entwine them with his own and wrapped them around himself. That action soothed his growing anger somehow and he kissed the nape of his lover's neck softly in appreciation. "Thank you Hana." A kiss on his knuckles was his only reply.

"On my 10^th birthday my parents had a huge fight. I was hiding under dad's study table because that's what I usually do when they have their fights. I know mom won't let me see them fight but I always feel that I have to be there, to protect her somehow. My dad had a very bad temper, especially when he gets drunk. I remembered one time, he got home very drunk and when my mom went to him, he just slaps her and told her to stay away from him. Mom cried after that. I always asked her why dad hits her or why she lets him do it, but she just said that my dad just had problems and it was her fault anyway. Being just a kid, I believed her. But that night, they were arguing about something. I remembered my dad saying that he regretted marrying her because he didn't love her. I was really confused upon hearing that. Does that mean that my mom lied to me? No, I refused to believe it that time. I kept saying to myself that my dad loves us. But my mom was pleading him with something, curiosity got the better of me so I sneaked a peak and I saw that my dad had packed his suitcase. I heard my mom saying that he can't leave us, that we are his responsibility. But dad was adamant and said that he's fed up and it's time that he find his own happiness. I was paralyzed from where I was hiding, and I was so confused. I didn't know what was happening until I heard a loud noise. Stunned, I immediately went out of hiding and saw that my mom had a gun in her hand."

The redhead turned his head slightly to look at his lover, but the other is just staring ahead, as if he's transported to that time and seeing the whole thing all over again. He stayed silent and just listened.

"My dad was rooted to where he's standing; I guess he was as shocked as I was. Mom only shot the side of the door, I guess it was just for a warning. But the look that my mother gave him meant that, she intends to shoot my father if he so much as step a foot outside the door. I was so scared, I have never seen my parents fight like that. Slowly, I went to my mother and asked her what's going on. She just smiled sadly at me and said that my dad was leaving us for his lover. I didn't understand her then, until later. Sidetracked by me, my mom did not notice my dad when he made a lunge for the gun. Being the stronger of the two, he won the scuffle. My dad smiled like a maniac when he had my mom at gunpoint, and then without even flinching, he pulled the trigger and shot my mom straight to her heart. I screamed, I run up to her and held her hand. She looked sadly at me and whispered that she was sorry and then her hand went limp on mine. I was so mad, so mad at my father. I turned around and looked at him and asked why he did it. Instead of feeling remorse over what he did, he had the gall to spit at my mom's body and said that she deserved it. I saw red, I went to him and started kicking him with all my might. But he just pushed me away and hit me hard on my face. He yelled at me saying that it was my fault that got him into that mess, and said I deserved being an orphan. Then, I saw him pick up his suitcase and placed the gun just above the table, without even thinking, I got up... picked up the gun... and then with surprising ease, I squeezed the trigger and shot him."

"Kaede... Kaede..." Hearing his name called, Rukawa snapped out from his memory and stared down to his lover meeting his caring brown gaze. "It's ok, you can stop for now. It's no use dredging up the past anyway. It was not your fault. You were just too young and you were also a victim." Hana said while one of his hand was softly caressing his tensing face.

Turning his head, he kissed the palm that's caressing him. "Maybe I was but, still, I had not felt any regret for what I did and that scared me. During that trial, people kept telling me that it was not my fault, that I was just a kid. But I was not even listening to them. All I could see that time was my dad shooting my mom and him saying that it was my fault. I never even shed a tear when the both of them were buried. I kept my feelings inside bottled up. When I was put in that prison for the juvenile delinquents, I was so scared inside but it didn't show on my face. I was the youngest and they tortured me. I had no one to turn to. No person to call out to help. The nurses who tended my wounds were kind enough to take care of me but that was all. They can't know what the others were doing to me in there. It was horrible, horrible!" He suddenly cried. Tormented with the memories he locked within himself for so many years.

By now, the redhead had shifted their position so that Rukawa was the one half-lying on him while protectively wrapping his arms around his raven head boyfriend. Rocking him gently to shoo away the bad memories. "Let it go Kaede, let it go. It's ok, they won't hurt you, no one can hurt you as long as I'm here. Sshhh..." He softly said,

"They....they...they made me their toy Hana..." He softly said. Shame and disgust filling his voice.

Not understanding what he meant, "What do you mean?"

"There were these two boys, slightly older than me. At first they just laughed and taunted me, calling me pretty boy. I just ignored them and kept silent, but soon they grew tired of my indifference and I heard one of them promised that they would break me. One night I felt one of them place a gag on my mouth and bodily carried me to one of the empty rooms. Inside they tied my hands and feet, I was helpless...couldn't to anything but wait. I thought they would just beat me up. When I saw one of them started undressing - I squirmed and tried to get away but it was futile. They took me right there and then."

The redhead stared at the dispirited expression on his lover's face and felt anger towards the boys who violated him. He could just imagine how horrible it was. He wished he could have been there to protect him, but he couldn't. He can't erase what had happened to Kaede, just like he can't forget that the same thing also happened to him. [But mine was different. I felt pleasured...loved and not really raped.] Tracing a loving caress over his boyfriend's pale and handsome face... "It's ok Kaede." And his brown eyes shone down onto him with love and understanding.

Rukawa's breath caught in his throat as he saw his lover's warm and loving expression. He felt that he did not deserve being loved by someone like him, so trusting, so innocent and so pure. [Pure...] His eyes grew wide and his heart beat frantically as that word popped in him mind. [Pure...but I did the same thing to him like those guys did to me. I forcefully took his innocence from him.] Disgusted with himself, he removed himself from Hana's embrace and went to stand by the window, his back on his lover.

"Kaede, what's wrong?"

Fist clenched tightly on his side, eyes stared blankly outside the window. "I'm just like those guys... I have become what I hated them to be. I took you, I took your innocence because of my selfish need to have you." He said, bowing his head as self-loathing is filling his entire being.

Sakuragi would have wanted to go and comfort him but he feels that Rukawa is now fighting a battle within his own. Instead he just said, "I'm glad that it was you Kaede. I didn't remember being hurt. Please stop punishing yourself with it."

Turning around, "Have you...can you forgive me?"

In his heart, he knows that he has already forgiven him for that but, deep inside there is still that one question, "Why did you do it?"

"I was afraid...of you."

"Huh?"

"To understand fully, I need to tell you the rest of what happened to me in that prison. I implore you to be patient with me Hana." He pleaded.

Sakuragi nodded and remained where he was, on the bed.

Turning back to look outside the window. He took another deep breath and closed his eyes. "After that one night, I vowed that I will never let that happen again. Be powerless and helpless under someone else's control. I never allowed them to ever touch me again. I fought and eventually I won, but not without consequences. From then on, I learned to fend for myself, to never to rely onto others and I learned how to be alone. My mom was taken away by my dad. My freedom was taken away when I killed my father. My childhood, taken away by the harsh experience brought by that juvenile prison. All happened in a year. When I left that prison, I was a different boy. I became a loner. Cold and composed outside, never showing what was really hidden underneath. I only lived for myself and I learned to vent my energy on my growing love for basketball. And then, I entered Shohoku..." he stopped. Bridging the gap between them, he sat across the redhead and stared at honey brown eyes.

"Entering Shohoku was just a convenience for me, I never thought that it will eventually change my life."

"Why?"

"I met you." He simply said, leaning forward to kiss him. "You were like a ray of sunshine in my rather darken world. But like the cold and heartless person that I become, I shun it away. Telling myself that you were just an idiot redhead who annoys me. But it was never like that... I found myself noticing you, staring at you and even dreaming about you. That got me really mad both at myself and at you. I already said that I won't let anybody enter my life again but there you were, intruding even the silence of my sleep. I can't get your face off my mind. Your face, your bright red hair and those eyes... I loved looking at them. He confessed, his face softening in remembrance.

"You... You liked me even back then? But how...why...? Why didn't you say anything to me?" Stammered the redhead.

Grasping the hand lying close to his own, "Because I was still not aware of my own feelings. I never even knew that I was into guys till I met you. Besides, you only noticed that brown haired girl Akagi. I was so jealous that I hated her." He said.

"I wish I knew." [Then we could have avoided everything that had happened.]

"How could you? I didn't even knew what it was till Sendoh pointed it out to me." He slightly grinned as he saw the redhead's face darken a little at the mention of the name. "You're jealous."

Playfully tapping the raven head's nose with his finger he said, "Of course I am, now wouldn't you be if I even casually mention Fujima's name?"

Now it's his turn to be jealous, still remembering that kiss, "Oh I am jealous all right and I better not find your lips locked with his or our team will be playing without its captain.

"You saw that?" His answer was just a nod. "Well, I did kiss him but just to thank him. He helped me a lot you know. He made me realize something and that eventually made up my mind."

"Which is..."

Tugging at the hand holding his, he leaned close to the raven head's ear and whispered, "That I can't see my life living without you."

"Hana..." Rukawa said and wrapped his arms around his lover's neck to draw him closer for a kiss. When they parted he said, "I love you `aho. I'm glad that I told you about my past. I no longer have to hide."

Inching closer, he laid his back on the other's chest and wrapped his lover's arms around himself. "You feel ok now?"

Rukawa's heart swelled at the redhead's action. "Yes, being able to tell and explain it to you had helped me overcome my demons from the past. Thank you for listening and understanding." He said, leaning down to trail kisses on his lover's neck lovingly.

The redhead tilted his head unconsciously to give his boyfriend more leeway. "Kitsune, you still have not answered my question."

[That night...he filled my senses...his scent and his taste.] Finding the mark he left yesterday, he stopped, [So many things had happened since yesterday, I have hurt him so much that could last a lifetime. How can I make it up to him?] Licking the mark, "I don't think I deserve you Hana, but I can't let you go." He whispered rather sadly.

Impatient, he quickly turned and placed a chaste kiss on his lover's trailing lips and said, "I did not ask for you to let me go Kaede, I only asked why you did it. I also want to know what was Sendoh's part in all this and if you loved him?"

Rukawa had a hard time stopping himself from laughing softly at the redhead's outburst. "To answer your simplest question, No, I did not love him." He felt rather than heard his lover breathe a sigh of relief. "To answer those two questions...they were my last attempt to try and see if I can get out of your growing hold on me."

"Unknowing Kaede, unknowing hold." The redhead roughly pointed out. "Did you feel anything when you were making love to me that night?"

"At first I thought it was just lust. I was physically attracted to you. But when I was touching you and had my first taste of you, I was sucked even deeper. I wanted more and I needed more. I was not thinking, just feeling. I acted on what I felt that time...that time I knew that I have fallen in love with you."

"Even knowing you loved me you chose to be with Sendoh instead?" The redhead choked. Jealousy is welling up on him again and it pains him to think that his lover had not chosen to stay with him. He tried to get up but Rukawa's tightening embrace prevented him to.

"I'm sorry Hana but like I've said, I was not ready to be controlled again. I thought that by being Sendoh's lover I could try and forget you. But it didn't work. Everytime I take him, I was wishing that it was you instead. I kept seeing your face and I even shouted your name but I still fought it. I know I was hurting Sendoh but I didn't care. The relationship was one sided since I was the one controlling the pace of our relationship. After 4 months or so, I left him. I grew tired of fighting with myself, grew tired of denying what my heart and body wants." Burying his face in that glorious red hair, he said "My heart and my body wanted you."

Silence

"Are you mad at me Hana?"

"No, just thinking."

Turning his lover so he could see his face. "About what?"

His expression thoughtful, "How fate had played a painful game with our lives and yet here we are, still together."

Surprised at the words, "Still together...Will you stay by me forever Hana?"

"Forever is a long time Kaede, but if you promise me that you'll love me until that time then, I promise to stay by you.

Kaede's face broke into one of rarest - but now more frequent - heartfelt smile. Instead of answering he turned around and took the locket inside the box and gave it to Hana.

The redhead took it but he didn't know what for.

"Read the inscription at the back."

Hana read, "< Forever Kaede's >"

Hana's eyes grew wide and his face broke into a huge grin. "You mean this is mine? I get to keep it?"

Kissing his smiling redhead, "Yes, I want you to keep it for me. It's yours as long as you hold my heart."

The sun shining outside the window gave the unlit room an ethereal glow. Enveloping the lovers in its new dawn, a blessing for their new beginning. The sound of a beautiful song being played aptly describing their feelings for each other.