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Love and Betrayal Chapter 5

SHATTERED WORLD

“That night? You and… Kaede? No! … It’s not true… it can’t be true…you’re lying!” Sakuragi exclaimed. His eyes looked at Sendoh accusingly.

“Oh, but we have already proven that I am not the liar between the three of us.” He reminded him.

Facing his lover, Sakuragi felt his heart bled. There before him is an open book Kaede, void of any mask. The kitsune’s face showed him everything that he feared and those eyes… they have the same expression they had earlier– that pleading look. The look, which clearly said, he’s sorry. [No…]

“NO!” Sakuragi shouted. Dropping to his knees, he placed his hands on both sides of his head, shaking it from side to side. He felt Rukawa’s hand on his shoulder. Angry, he slapped that hand away violently and faced his lover with hate in his eyes. Standing up, he punched Rukawa in the face.

“Why kitsune?” Sakuragi questioned, his tears flowing unheedingly down his face. “Why did you do it? Did you hate me that much?” The last question was said with a mere whisper.

Picking himself up, “No… I did not hate you. I thought I did. When I realized what I truly felt for you, it was too late. “ Rukawa answered grimly.

Sakuragi is mentally battling the conflicting emotions within himself. Head already throbbing, he tried recalling everything, but failed considerably to tie the bits and pieces of his memory of that night. [WHY?] His brows furrowed.

“You were drugged Sakuragi.” Sendoh supplied the answer to his unspoken question.

Still engrossed in his own thoughts, he just said. [HUH?] “Drugged? How?”

“I mixed the drug on that glass you last drank. It was suppose to make you feel unaware. Just like being drunk but more potent. It usually wears off after a few hours.”

“What?!” He suddenly exploded. “You bastard!” Sakuragi swung a fist but Sendoh was quick to evade it. “You drugged me? Why? Are you really that sick Sendoh?”

Backing away, “No. It was part of the deal and I just followed it through. Sorry Sakuragi.”

Shocked, “A deal?”

“Yes.” Came the clipped reply.

“You mean…” Sakuragi stammered while pointing a finger to and from the two brunettes facing him.

“I offered to help Rukawa satisfy and hopefully rid his obsession of you and in exchange he’ll have to be my lover.” Sendoh replied with less satisfaction in his voice. He didn’t really wanted to do it to Sakuragi but during that time, he was already blinded by his burning attraction to the silent Shohoku ace. He considered it a blessing when he found out about Rukawa’s ‘crush’ on the ‘aho. Thinking it was only just a fleeting crush; Sendoh approached Rukawa with the idea on how to remove the loud redhead from his system, with a condition that Rukawa accepts his intentions after they’re done. It took about a week before the silent junior finally accepts his proposal.

Sakuragi is having trouble digesting this information, [all because of lust?] Turning to look at his boyfriend, “You agreed to become his lover for just that one night?” He softly asked.

A hesitant nod was Rukawa’s only reply.

Inching closer so he could see his beloved’s face. “You allowed yourself to be tied to him?”

“…”

“Was I even worth it? You’re freedom?”

Rukawa just looked at his lover. Brown eyes slightly curious but the pain and grief still shows in their brown depths. “If it means loosing you now Hana, then, it was not worth it. But if you’re asking me if I loved every minute of that night… then my answer would be, yes. You were worth it.” He answered truthfully.

He knew that his lover had trouble saying those words. The kitsune is aware that whatever answer he gives, it will still pain him. A part of him is glad that Rukawa is honest enough not to hurt him more with lies. He’s not that kind of a guy. Whatever Rukawa is, he does not lie… [Yeah but he keeps secrets…two revelations in just one night…that’s too much even for a ‘tensai’ like me.]

Stepping away from Rukawa, Sakuragi leaned against a wall, needing its solid form to support his now tired and sagging body. He didn’t want to think, didn’t want to feel. He just wants to curl up somewhere and sleep. Slowly, he sank down on the ground, and hugged his knees closer to himself. He just sat there staring into nothing. His mind though has will of its own; it drifts back and forth into the events that had happened. Seeing Sendoh kissing Rukawa…Rukawa’s admission that Sendoh was his lover [that had hurt]…the kitsune confessing his love for him and him finally able to say the words to Kaede out loud. Sakuragi wished that the event could just stop there. He would have been happy and content. But no…as fate would have it, the past came back to haunt him. Little did he know that the ghost of the past would be his beloved Kaede. That night…[Sendoh said I was drugged but I kinna remembered some of it…the warm touch…the soothing voice…the tender caresses that tickled me… Oh I was aware alright, esp. after I felt that searing pain. I thought I was just dreaming or something, and then a wave of pleasure hit me that I was unable to prevent myself from clutching the warmness that I felt. God that was Kaede…he was my first…but he was gone when I woke up. Why? Why does it have to happen this way?] He mentally cried. Burrowing his head between his knees, Sakuragi allowed himself to cry for the 3rd time that night.

As if hearing his name mentally mentioned by the redhead, Rukawa cautiously walked to where his Hana is. Calling his name softly, “Hana?” Not sensing a response, he crouched down and lifted Hana’s chin. Rukawa’s face clouded with guilt and remorse as he saw his lover’s face shrouded with undisguised pain. [What have I done to you Hana?] Reaching out, Rukawa tenderly wipe the tears from Hana’s face.

“Hana… I’m terribly sorry. Please forgive me. I can’t bear it if you don’t. I know I have hurt you, betrayed your trust. But believe me when I say that it’s the last thing I’d do. I’d rather die than see you hurt.” He pleaded, now slowly caressing the redhead’s face. Blank eyes looked at him, those brown eyes devoid of any emotion. “Go away Kaede. Please, just leave me alone.” He heard Sakuragi say.

“I can’t.” [I love you too much]

Rising to his feet, he looked down to the fox-eyed boy and said, “Then, I’ll go.”

“NO!” Rukawa quickly sprang to his feet and caught Hana’s hands in a firm grip. “I won’t let you go. You belong to me Hana. We belong together. I love you.”

“Love?” Sakuragi questioned. “You don’t know the meaning of the word, Rukawa. All you wanted was my body. All I ever was to you was a possession. Something you own. Right?”

“…”

“RIGHT?”

Rukawa flinched upon hearing those cold and bitter words coming from his beloved. Minutes ago they were confessing their love to one another and now… “No, you are more than that. I do love you Hana. [More than you’ll ever know.]” He softly whispered, staring at the hand that is still within his grip.

“Maybe you do, but I’m sorry Kaede, I’m just too tired. Too tired to hear more of your secrets, too tired to think of ways to understand you. I don’t know what to think anymore. Please just let go of me. I need time away from you. To sort things for myself.” Sakuragi calmly implored to the guy who is still gripping his hand.

Rukawa just continued looking at the hand his holding, he knows that he is being selfish but he’s afraid that if he let go, he’ll loose Hana forever. “No, I can’t do that.”

Closing his eyes. “Did you know why I didn’t say those words out loud before Kaede?”

“…”

“Because I felt that I was not worthy to love you. I felt that by saying those words you would be forever bound to me, as I would be to you. I have this secret, this dark past which I don’t have an answer. Knowing that I couldn’t give you a clear explanation troubled me to no end. I wanted to tell you, wanted to love you freely, but that fact keeps holding me back. I was afraid that if you knew someone had been first before you that you’d feel betrayed and that you’d leave me. I don’t want that. I couldn’t bear that. So I kept silent.” He explained, more to himself than to his kitsune. Sakuragi is remembering the numerous times he had tried telling Rukawa of that part of his life, knowing that it might cost him his lover. He knew of Rukawa’s possessive nature and he thought that if his boyfriend knew that he had been with someone else then he might leave him.

“How ironic that the past I was keeping from you was your undoing. You must have quite a few laughs over my expense, huh kitsune? Did you and Sendoh laughed behind my back when you were together?”

“No.”

“No?” “Well then, now you have the chance to do just that. You and Sendoh belong together. You are now free Rukawa, as I am of you. I can’t play the pawn between the two of you anymore. Goodbye Kaede.” Saying those words, he swiftly tugged his hand from Rukawa’s and quickly disappeared into the night.

******************************

SDFA © 2002 fgg



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