And I look away. Disbelieving my words and myself.
I cannot bear to see the hurt look on his face. The look that I had wanted never to see again. To think I am the one to bring that expression back on his face again.
'Akira, I'm sorry...' I can't bring myself to say these words out loud. Often, I had felt that he was selfish. And I never hesitate to voice out my thoughts. Accusing him of being unfaithful was something I did every other day. Sometimes, it was just wicked teasing, meant to evoke that horrified look on his face and to hear him denying everything and begging my forgiveness if I did misunderstand something. At those times, I knew he loved me solely with all his heart. Bliss would flood my mind, knowing that he belongs to me. And only me. Other occasions, nothing was fake as I strip aside all false pretences and scream at him my displeasure buried so deeply in me. The fact that he was popular never fails to evoke my jealousy as I watch him entertain girls and guys equally with that same charming attitude. I would cry secretly alone, wanting to make myself trust him. However, I never spared a thought for him as I manipulated him according to my moods. When I was down or angered, cold silence would stand in between us. I would take him in my arms again once I've cooled down and forgave him. These went on all the time.
This time, I guess I went overboard.
Verbal insults were never my favorite type of weapons. Yet I used them on him. That expression of utmost hurt and disappointment in me struck a chord in my heart. "Hiro-kun...I never knew that was what you thought of me...why couldn't you have told me earlier? Why did you have to wait til today, 3 months since we've been together to confess everything?" I could see the tears glistening in his eyes. My heart sank when I realized that he was too afraid to let me see him cry. For once, his determination failed him. Like a broken dam, the tears overflowed and ran down his face. He quickly turned away, away from me. 'Let me see you crying. So that I can comfort you. Akira, forgive me. I'll never forgive myself. Now I know your true love for me. But is everything too late?' I wanted to touch him, hold him, let him know I was the one at fault.
The wind blew mercilessly and rain beat on me cruelly. I was a coward. I ran away. Letting the wind carry my voice away as I screamed out my regrets and sadness into the darkness. I sensed someone coming up to me. "Mister, a gale is blowing up...you'd better take shelter somewhere..." I ignored the person. The person walked away soon after, shaking his head, no doubt, to seek shelter. But I stayed. Alone on the pier. Yes, the place Akira love so much.
=End of POV=
Koshino fumed quietly as he sat motionlessly in the living room of Sendoh's apartment. A tall figure strolled in as the front door opened. "Hiro-kun!" Sendoh exclaimed in genuine delight, "What brings you here? You didn't tell me beforehand...".
Moving towards Koshino, Sendoh leant forward to embrace him. But found himself roughly shoved away.
"Stay away from me, you lying sonuvabitch!" Koshino spat as he rose. Sendoh blinked, thoroughly not comprehending.
"It is fun ain't it? Fooling with me? I know you think I'm no one important...does that mean you have to spend one night out with that bitchy fan of yours?!" Koshino glared.
Sendoh understood now. Koshino was in another one of those moods. "I didn't, I swear..."Sendoh said soothingly as he approached Koshino.
Koshino took a step back, clenched his fist and swung a punch at Sendoh.
"You dumb bastard. Stop acting! I saw you two entering the motel with my own eyes last night! What am I supposed to think? That you were her lapdog and just there to serve your master? Or the fact that she was giving you hard cash to fuck her?!" Koshino screamed.
Sendoh was speechless with shock. His face went deathly pale as he listened to Koshino's harsh accusations. "I might overlook the fact that you are downright sought-after and people from both sexes just long to fuck you but can you stop being so sex-starved and flirty? Who knows if I'm just part of your sex toys' collection meant to appease you, Akira Sendoh's sexual appetite!" Koshino instantly wished he could take back his words the moment his gaze landed on Sendoh's face. He knew from that second on that he was wrong, very wrong to say those things...
=END OF FLASHBACK=
I never thought such a pained look could come from someone so cheerful and open. He is a straight ray of sunlight. Brightening up everyone's lives. Sounds corny, but when you listen to what Rukawa's description of his beloved redhead, mine pales in comparison. Love potions would not work for me now. How in the world, am I ever gonna face Akira again? I hate myself. But I know Akira must hate himself more right now. Because of what I said.
No... I must not let him falter. No way.
=End of POV=
Koshino dashed across the streets, his mind focusing only on one thought. 'Get back to Akira.'
With the wind threatening to throw him off-balance and off-course, he persevered, determined to salvage their relationship and undo whatever damage and wounds his cutting sentences had inflicted.
The streets and roads were empty in the dark night. Koshino was almost crazed with impatience as he continued the long run back to Sendoh's apartment.
Koshino dashed up the stairs of the apartment block, waking a considerable number of households with the loudness of his footsteps.
Reaching Sendoh's apartment door, Koshino took a deep and much-needed breath as he inserted his key into the hole.
The door was slowly opened, as Koshino hesitatingly pushed it ajar. The apartment was in complete darkness. Fumbling for the light switch, Koshino winced slightly as the bright light emitted from the lamps hurt his eyes. As soon as he got accustomed to the bright atmosphere, he gazed around desperately, looking for Sendoh.
'Suicide.' A sudden thought flashed across his mind. 'NO!'
Koshino hurried towards Sendoh's room and threw the door open. There, crumpled in a heap by the bed, was Sendoh. He raised a tear-streaked face to stare right at Koshino.
Koshino swallowed a lump in his throat as he went near Sendoh cautiously. He knelt down beside him. He finally gathered up enough courage to choke out, "Akira."
Sendoh's thoughts went instantly blank as he looked at Koshino in fear. Koshino broke down at long last. Pulling Sendoh into his arms, he whispered raggedly, "Akira...Akira...I'm so sorry...I really am...forgive me...so sorry...".
Sendoh found his voice and asked, "Are you still angry with me? I'm sorry...I really didn't do anything with that girl...I only took her to the motel 'coz she was dead drunk..." an abrupt pressure on his mouth stopped any further words as a deep kiss silenced him. The kiss turned passionate as Koshino's tongue delved into the warm canvass of Sendoh's mouth. Sendoh could not have been more glad to let actions take the place of words. He moaned slightly as Koshino's hand brushed across his nipple teasingly. Koshino pushed Sendoh down against the floor and broke their kiss. Sendoh glanced up in surprise. Koshino smiled, leant back down to kiss him gently on the forehead. "I love you, Akira." he whispered, before capturing Sendoh's lips for another hot kiss and more to come.
A gale, might be strong enough to damage a shaky relationship like theirs. But it's never impact enough to break off their steadfast love.
Gales © 2002 Keax-XV