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As You Wanted

Placing a classic bunch of white chrysanthemums on the grave, I brush the dust off your tombstone.

I stand up, not wanting to stay any longer. But as usual, something pulled me back. Could be the memories, could be the truth that you were gone eternally.

2 months after your funeral, I still cannot forget. Not that I want to anyway.

It would have been awkward and reluctant if we had to say goodbye.
Not 'coz we hate each other to the core. No, I wouldn't say that.
Considering the colorful times we shared together, I don't think so.
I laugh hollowly. Don't you get it? The point is, we never even got to say goodbye.

Man, do I love you with all my soul.
Sounds corny? I wouldn't deny I picked it up somewhere during that movie marathon we had at Gori's house.
Looking seriously at the statement again, it really does show how much I love you anyway.

Funny how we never really fell in love before. Until we met each other. Fate? Perhaps.
But when you were gone, all I know is you would never be around no more.

Graduating from high school separated us. No longer able to see you each day, I force myself to forget you.
Meeting again a few weeks later though, threw me into a blind end street.
We went to a café. We talked. We reminisce.
Then you confessed your love for me. I ran away.

Oh great, totally sounds like a movie plot now doesn't it.
So what?

Dammit, I thought I would never see you again after that. Lucky for us both, you were still as determined as before. Giving chase, you forced me up a wall in a back alley and threw me into a state of total shut down with your kiss.

I finger your photo on the tombstone lightly. Your every feature and bodyline is etched deeply inside me.

I knew something was going to happen when the only timekeeper in our apartment stopped abruptly. Right 10 minutes after you left to pick up some stuff from Megane-kun's house. The stately grandfather clock never struck nine at night. Maybe…when interpreted in Chinese…does it mean we would never be together long and forever?

I was uneasy. Megane-kun said you never reached his house. I ran out into the streets to look for you. I overheard 2 people's conversation which stunned me.
I dash to the hospital and found you at last.
Dead, though.

The lorry driver was sentenced. But as it goes, it doesn't bring you back.

Coincidentally, I flipped through some papers you had locked in a drawer.

I spotted something which would have amused me if you were still 'round.

The fact that you weren't made me put it to good use.

"I'll be back." I whispered as I stand up. I take a last glance at your tombstone. I smiled slightly as I read silently:


Rukawa Kaede
Hanamichi's Fox Always
Rest in Peace.


The way you wanted. My fox. Always.




As You Wanted © 2002 Keax-XV

SDFA © 2002 fgg

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